The Three Engagements

The Three Engagements: Your Physical, Mental and Spiritual Selves

It is very common for those of us with busy lives to compartmentalize. This is the time and place I exercise, this is when and how I work, and this is the way in which I connect with something bigger and more magnificent than us.

One of the things that fascinates me about life is the way these three seemingly disparate functions unite to create the happiest, most energized, and most present version of ourselves. Integrating these elements creates a righteous cycle, one that results in a more content, resilient, and peak performing human being.

With this article I hope to inspire you to re-examine the way you incorporate these areas into your life. Most importantly, if one or more these elements is not being addressed at all, I encourage you to JUMP ON THAT RIGHT NOW!

Let’s look at each area separately, and then consider strategies for integrating them.

Physical Wellbeing

I’ve always been impressed by those who are disciplined with exercise regimens. They look so strong and fit! I am not one of those people. I do not enjoy exercise. On the other hand, I get a big charge out of joyful movement. I define this as moving my body in a way that pleases me while at the same time taking in beautiful scenery, enjoying catch-up time with my wife, or listening to pump-me-up music or a great book on Audible.

I especially love bicycling. Feeling the air flow past me and the sun on my body as I take in the trees, the river and the occasional skittish deer – all while engaging in low-impact cardio, is just the best. As soon as I start riding, a big smile shows up on my face. My entire body screams “Yes! This is absolutely right!”

To me, the point of these activities, other than simple pleasure, is to maintain strength, flexibility and energy as I age. I don’t have interest in bulking up, but I get a lot of positive feelings from moving – feelings that are less abundant when I’m stationary for long periods. I like to feel toned and trim (well, sort of), limber, alert, connected to my body, energized, and confident in my ability to enjoy exploring on foot for long periods when we travel.

Ping pong is another great example of joyful movement. It’s great for fostering agility and hand-eye coordination. Plus, you burn calories while having bucket loads of fun!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to determine what joyful movement means to you and develop an implementation plan. If you’re someone who travels a lot either for work or pleasure, focus on activities that are portable or that you can practice in most of the places you tend to be. Otherwise, you get out of the habit and it’s always difficult to start back up again.

As you’re planning this, think outside the box. Some people really enjoy ballroom dancing, yoga, Pilates, hiking, or the new rage, Pickleball. And don’t forget cross-continental dog sledding. Mush!

Mental Wellbeing

I think of mental wellbeing as including both thinking and feeling, and address both below.

The Thinker

For many of you who are considering life after career, a chief concern is what you are going to do to occupy your mind. For those who made a career of decision making, planning, coordinating, creating solutions, leading teams, persuading clients, analyzing trends and developing strategic responses, the idea of sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating bon-bons is, frankly, suboptimal. (I have to confess I chuckled to myself when I wrote that line).

But here’s your get-out-of-jail-free card. There are MANY activities you can choose to participate in that exercise your gray matter without enduring the energy drain and time syphon of a traditional career.

How can you help those who are following in your footsteps? Does becoming a coach or consultant make sense? What about teaching advanced courses at the local U? Go team! What about mentoring young people? How are you driven to express this part of you?

Board memberships are an option, as is helping start-ups get their feet on the ground. Is there book waiting to emerge from within you like the creature in Aliens? What about podcasting, blogging, or writing a newsletter on topics that interest you? These are particularly groovy because you can do them at home, or from the Aspen ski chalet, the beach house in Costa Rica, or the Tuscan villa you rented for the summer.

But what if none of that interests you? No problem!

Perhaps your yearning for the academic life can no longer be contained. What about pursuing graduate studies in Precambrian geology, the early writings of Proust, or the latest advancements in string theory? Why not move to Italy and become fluent in Romance languages or master the historical intricacies of the Italian Renaissance? If you choose this last item, be sure to take me along with you!

What about dusting off the chops you developed when your parents forced you to practice the piano, and taking your ability to the next level? Cello? Guitar? Bass? Join a dad band! Like many rock musicians of a certain age, you can also find your voice with painting or photography. See Ron Wood of the Rolling Stones, Joni Mitchell and John Lennon. Rock on!

There are many avenues through which you can keep your mind sharp while taking pleasure in learning, teaching, guiding others, or creative expression.

Feelin’ It

Of course, several items mentioned above include both thinking and feeling, as well aspects of the spiritual dimension. The three engagements are very much interrelated.

Experts suggest that the most cheerful and well-adjusted people in retirement years are those who have meaningful connections with other people. This can include finding a new rhythm with your spouse or embracing distant family members in a way that time didn’t allow for during your career. Are there rifts with siblings, cousins, former friends, and even parents or children that you want to mend? As uncomfortable as this may be at the beginning, how much better will you feel on the back side? How will their lives be improved as a result? I’m no psychologist, but I believe most of us would agree that long-standing, bitter feelings are toxic.

Getting better connected can mean joining groups that share a common interest such as intentional men’s groups, book clubs, or groups that focus on classic cars, photography, wine or gardening. There are business groups that help up-and-comers. For example, the Small Business Administration includes a group called SCORE – Service Corps of Retired Executives. I have been the beneficiary of their experience and wisdom.

Philanthropic organizations can be a great way to be part of a team, perhaps even exercising your leadership skills, while giving back and supporting people in need.

To some degree, your social networks are likely tied to your job, your employer, and your profession. As you envision a third act that is ultimately rewarding, consider how your relationships will change and how you can develop new connections to offset those that may naturally fall away.

If your post-career plans involve relocating, think about relationships with local friends and neighbors. What can be done to preserve them? How important is this to you?

Your Spiritual Life

I wouldn’t presume to suggest any particular spiritual path. It’s a choice as deeply personal as a choice can be. My approach here is to speak to the topic at a very high level, in a way I believe to be universally applicable.

Sometimes we hear of a person’s greatest strength. Viewpoints differ on what that may mean broadly, and what it might mean for any given individual. I have conviction that everyone’s greatest strength is the degree to which – through intuition – they connect to the source of all wisdom.

Call it what you may, but I believe there is entity with the ability to create universes, and that same entity is available to guide and assist us as we evolve from this place to the next step on the journey. Failing to avail ourselves of this wisest of wise council seems to deprive ourselves of some aspect of our birthright. From this source also comes indescribable depths of love and a sense of connectedness to all things.

And right there is the tie-in to your third act. If the task it to create the most joyful, contented, rewarding third act imaginable, how could it fail to account for this dimension?

Hey, I don’t mean to get all metaphysical on you. I just wanted to share why I believe this portion of the mind-body-spirit connection is important to you, to me, and to all of us.

I’ll quicky share a personal aside that may resonate with you. My spiritual path involves daily meditation. Am I 100% compliant? Uh, well…no. But that’s my aspiration! Here’s what I can tell you with certainty. On the days I meditate, I feel more peaceful, grounded, and resilient to any emotional and practical roller coaster that I might encounter. A smile more readily comes to my face, frustration or a harsh word, more remote.

During my meditation I ask for unflappability – to be imperturbable. Specifically, “No matter what is said or not said, and no matter what is done or not done, I remain peaceful and joyful.” It’s such a simple thing, but its impact can be profound and far reaching for my life, and impactful for those with whom I come in contact.

Integration

I maintain that the ideal next chapter for each of us can be significantly improved by focusing on the nexus of these three facets: body, mind, spirit. Effort expended in each domain enhances your experience of the other two. Maximizing their integration leads to the greatest possible outcomes.

With a nod to our good friend Captain Obvious, making this integration a part of daily living can be challenging. Prioritization, a planful approach and will – especially will, are the greatest tools in your tool belt.

For most of us, incorporating elements of these areas is into your life requires that you start small and ramp up over time. Don’t let your overachiever impulses rule the day! It ultimately is a disservice to you if you overreach and then end up quitting due to frustration or injury (he says knowingly).

Here are two helpful tips:

1. It can be motivational to see progress or consistency on a calendar or some other easily visible document or app. Record your progress and challenge yourself to keep checking those boxes.
2. One of the ways I’ve found to keep myself on track with joyful movement and especially my spiritual practice, is to declare to myself that this is the most important thing I could possibly do that day. Why would I not do this? What could possibly be more important?

Give these ideas a try and take note of how your life changes.